know yourself first. . .

. . . change the world second.

sounds easy enough. i discovered this almost cliche saying while gazing through the dusk from the "L" train a few evenings ago. it was printed big as life on a billboard in maroon lettering, advertising the local Jesuit stronghold of subversive and dangerous free thought and intellectuality, Loyola University. (where would we be without those Jesuits?)

"know yourself first, change the world second."

these words struck me as very close to my heart. one of my strongest characteristics in the whole myers-briggs schema is the "I" in INTP. i have always been obsessed with concentrating on why i do things and how i do them and how i fit into different complex social and historical contexts, and why, (if at all), any of it matters.

some would call this egotism: i call it enlightenment (or at least aiming for it). i have always viewed with skepticism those people who seem to be so self-sure, who seem never to have needed to question their own existence, who have never had to justify themselves to anyone. i feel (as apparently do the marketing people at Loyola) that the world would indeed be a much better place if everyone would at least attempt that first step, self-knowledge.

all this introspection in my life, and i still have been having an incredibly difficult go of writing my 2000-word autobiography. this autobiography is a prerequisite for adopting a child through the agency we have been using. we each have to write one. how do you describe your entire life in 2000 words? how do you communicate who you are in essay form?

the more i have worked on this infernal project, the longer it gets, and the less it seems to convey who i am, or what i have done with my life.

maybe i should concentrate on changing the world first, you know, for a break. . .