now the world can see why i'm so fabulous. it's always strange to see your parents when they were so young and in love. 

the hand

My usual route from the gym to the office in the morning includes passing by union station, navigating around and through the suburban throngs pouring into my dear city. This route has its share of entertainment, though. From white-sneakered ladies with 2-hour coifs and navy skirt-suits and i-can't-see-or-hear-you headphones to the homeless beggars to the Peruvian pan-flute bands hocking their CDs on the sidewalk, my walk gives me the zen, urban, so-noisy-it's-quiet, constitutional my mind craves every day before yet again remembering my career and all that goes with it.

almost without exception, this daily route will also include some form of handout, flyer, or "freebie" foisted on me and my fellow walkers by the hired-hands of corporate america. from yogurt in a tube (remember that?) to m&m "amazing" candies to the big gorilla man handing out gym fliers to ads for the new "i-dog" to 5x8 glossies of an enhanced photo of an 8-week old fetus, looking at me with all the wisdom of Yoda and all the sadness of Eeyore, saying to me: "why do you want to kill me. . . ?" everyone's trying to sell me something, and that process makes me feel like, yes, this IS america, and yes, even I can make a difference, however small, by buying into someone else's dream of the world. (as long as i have space left on my card or in my conscience.)

BUT, the other day i was confronted my a man in an orange jumper who shoved the following words in my face: "ARE YOU ALERT?" double-take, look at the flyer again. WHAT? what's he trying to sell? what does he want from me? then 5 questions meant as an "alertness" quiz: do you often feel fatigued? are you sometimes too tired to enjoy going out with friends? do you have trouble paying attention or staying focused? etc. etc.

of course i answered YES to all the questions, but does that mean i'm not "alert"? and if so, then what? so a quick trip to their website: "http://www.alertnessmatters.com/" after taking the online quiz, i realized that i was being tricked into submitting personal contact info for some sort of cruise-package giveaway. they just wanted my e-mail and phone number for FSM-knows what reason. NO THANKS -- i'll deal with my tired, lazy old self without your help.

however, my faith in the american system of high-pressure, devious sales and marketing had been restored. i have been shaken out of my unalert state by the bitch-slapping invisible hand of Adam Smith. *whew*

the truth is out there?

it's amazing how a TRUTH so obvious could've gone hidden from me for so long. . . it seems that there is a reason that my bio-chem carreer in undergrad was doomed from the start: the SCIENCE was all based on LIES.

a man named Bobby Henderson has enlightened me to HIS EVERSAUCY HOLINESS: The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

i now know that FSM has created all things in his ever-loving kindness, and that all so-called study of biology, physics, chemistry, and math is a sham. i know now that in order not to incur His vengeful wrath, we must not rest until His TRUE SCIENCE of the universe is taught in all our schools. Bobby the Prophet has said it best:

"Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him."

now that i have seen the TRUTH, my life will never be the same, and i cannot stop riding the scent of his garlicky goodness to eternal SALVATION.

you can also become enlightened at: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

and remember: don't rest until we reach the time "when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence."

let's hear it for the second amendment

item 1: walmart in new orleans area looted: all guns and ammo reported stolen. . .

item 2: from A.P. this morning

Superdome Evacuation Halted Amid Gunfire

The evacuation of the Superdome was suspended Thursday after shots were reported fired at a military helicopter and arson fires broke out outside the arena. No immediate injuries were reported.

The scene at the Superdome became increasingly chaotic, with thousands of people rushing from nearby hotels and other buildings, hoping to climb onto the buses taking evacuees from the arena, officials said. Paramedics became increasingly alarmed by the sight of people with guns.
Richard Zeuschlag, chief of the ambulance service that was handling the evacuation of sick and injured people from the Superdome, said it was suspending operations "until they gain control of the Superdome."

He said shots were fired at a military helicopter over the Superdome before daybreak.

He said the National Guard told him that it was sending 100 military police officers to restore order.

"That's not enough," Zeuschlag said. "We need a thousand."

Lt. Col. Pete Schneider of the Louisiana National Guard said the military — which was handling the evacuation of the able-bodied from the Superdome — had suspended operations, too, because fires set outside the arena were preventing buses from getting close enough to pick up people.

He said tens thousands of people started rushing out of other buildings when they saw buses pulling up and hoped to get on. But the immediate focus was on evacuating people from the Superdome, and the other refugees were left to mill around.

Zeuschlag said paramedics were calling him and crying for help because they were so scared of people with guns at the Superdome. He also said that during the night, when a medical evacuation helicopter tried to land at a hospital in the outlying town of Kenner, the pilot reported 100 people were on the landing pad, some with guns.

"He was frightened and would not land," Zeuschlag.