the hand

My usual route from the gym to the office in the morning includes passing by union station, navigating around and through the suburban throngs pouring into my dear city. This route has its share of entertainment, though. From white-sneakered ladies with 2-hour coifs and navy skirt-suits and i-can't-see-or-hear-you headphones to the homeless beggars to the Peruvian pan-flute bands hocking their CDs on the sidewalk, my walk gives me the zen, urban, so-noisy-it's-quiet, constitutional my mind craves every day before yet again remembering my career and all that goes with it.

almost without exception, this daily route will also include some form of handout, flyer, or "freebie" foisted on me and my fellow walkers by the hired-hands of corporate america. from yogurt in a tube (remember that?) to m&m "amazing" candies to the big gorilla man handing out gym fliers to ads for the new "i-dog" to 5x8 glossies of an enhanced photo of an 8-week old fetus, looking at me with all the wisdom of Yoda and all the sadness of Eeyore, saying to me: "why do you want to kill me. . . ?" everyone's trying to sell me something, and that process makes me feel like, yes, this IS america, and yes, even I can make a difference, however small, by buying into someone else's dream of the world. (as long as i have space left on my card or in my conscience.)

BUT, the other day i was confronted my a man in an orange jumper who shoved the following words in my face: "ARE YOU ALERT?" double-take, look at the flyer again. WHAT? what's he trying to sell? what does he want from me? then 5 questions meant as an "alertness" quiz: do you often feel fatigued? are you sometimes too tired to enjoy going out with friends? do you have trouble paying attention or staying focused? etc. etc.

of course i answered YES to all the questions, but does that mean i'm not "alert"? and if so, then what? so a quick trip to their website: "http://www.alertnessmatters.com/" after taking the online quiz, i realized that i was being tricked into submitting personal contact info for some sort of cruise-package giveaway. they just wanted my e-mail and phone number for FSM-knows what reason. NO THANKS -- i'll deal with my tired, lazy old self without your help.

however, my faith in the american system of high-pressure, devious sales and marketing had been restored. i have been shaken out of my unalert state by the bitch-slapping invisible hand of Adam Smith. *whew*