the tree

33

a few weeks back i turned thirty-three. no big deal, really (except it's the hobbit coming-of-age). however, these past several weeks i've felt older and older. you know, baggy skin, circles under eyes, creaking joints. . . hopefully i'll overcome this new oldness, or at least learn to accept it.

i don't know what it is. . .

but his lyrics always get stuck in my head:

The mind has so many pictures
Why can't I sleep with my eyes open?
The mind has so many memories
Can you remember what it looks like when I cry?

spirit of racine

half i.m. time (my best yet, but my run should've been much better! here's to next year. . .)

swim: 35:27
trans1: 2:48
bike: 2:32:01 (22.1 mph)
trans2: 2:58
run: 2:09:11 (9:52 pace)

total: 5:22:25 (464/1256)

down with "conventional wisdom"! (or another annoying rant)

. . . so, yesterday in the whirlpool at the gym, some guy mentions that he's participating in the "jewish triathlon," that is -- steam, whirlpool, shower. at first i thought he said "douche's triathlon," to which i chuckled politely. (i don't know why, but maybe it had to do with the fact that we were both naked.)

but. he then clarifies by saying: it's okay, his jewish friend told him that. "oh," i think "jewish triathlon. is that funny?"

the more i thought about it, the more the comment bothered me. first off, why does it make it okay to spout off some thinly-veiled racist remark just because some idiot friend of yours said it? second, what does that even mean? (jews enjoy bathing more than others, or that they're lazier, or that they can't do sports?? i'm confused.) third, how did the guy know i wasn't jewish myself? was he trying to mark his territory, assert his anglo-saxon god-given authority all over my semitic ass?

now, i'm less bothered by the "un-p.c." nature of this comment, than the sheer fundamental premise of jokes like this. . . they tend to support a culture that never questions "conventional wisdom." i myself am a fan of never accepting an idea simply because every other idiot thinks it's true. (look at saddam and the weapons of mass destruction in the lead-up to the current war or the unexplainable best-seller that was the da vinci code.) everytime that joke is told, whatever stereotypes are behind it become further entrenched in our collective psyche. ick.

my points (if there are any): things can be funny or true without attributing entire behavioral characteristics onto an entire group of people. . . also, truth has very little to do, in most circumstances, with over-generalizations. think for yourself, and don't accept "givens" as true without question. as our country is all too aware these days, that kind of failure of thought can get us in a lot of trouble.

ah, springtime in chicago. . .

(from the chicago tribune)

(almost) at a loss for words

after scouring (read quickly searching) the internet for a substantive review of the "movie" 300, which we saw this past saturday, my desires were left wanting somewhat. so, here i am writing down my thoughts as some sort of catharsis. why would i bother to write a review of 300 of all movies? because i'm bothered, that's why. it's been the top box office draw for three straight weekends, including breaking the record for any first weekend box office draw ever. so, i think it's a movie that's probably worth some attention.

i'll admit that i was confused when i first heard the premise of the movie: a historically-based account of a battle between the Persian armies of King Xerxes and a gathering of 300 or so Spartan soldiers in about 480 b.c.

as a somewhat modern guy with a somewhat basic understanding of western culture, i was concerned. who's point of view will this movie adopt? surely not the Persian view, but surely not the Spartan view, either.

after all, weren't we all taught that the Spartans were the enemy in the classic battle of freedom versus what can only be described as military fascism? wasn't it the Athenian culture that was the defender of the standard for what we value as all that's good and right in the world: free thought, discourse, love of mankind, humanism, art, industry, science, mathematics, philosophy, et cetera?

wasn't Sparta the horrible place where the weak were killed in the name of a "perfect race," and where all other human function was suppressed in the name of war? isn't that where we get the word spartan in today's usage?

and, between these two cultures, Athens and Sparta, wasn't it Athens who was the ultimate victor, showing a strength of will and industry that Sparta could never dream of? isn't it the culture and productivity of Athens that the Romans and eventually the enlightenment and eventually the entire western world's culture were based upon?

well, be that as it may, the entire movie was told from the spartan perspective! weird. and this weirdness was obvious from the first scene of the movie, where we see the future King of the Spartans, Leonidas, being held over a pit of tiny sculls, being inspected to see if he has any defects. obviously, if this baby has any visible defect, it's to be tossed into the baby pit -- no room for the weak and deformed in Sparta!

and we're supposed to identify with this society, somehow find it compelling and worthy? root for it against the Persians?? already, this movie is making me a bit angry. and it just gets worse. it's not just the obvious racism, sexism, homophobia, and excessive gore that turned me off, but the seemingly underlying and terrifying message: that, despite what the Spartan law says, King Leonidas is the hero because he takes the law into his own hands and goes off to war to be strong. to be a man! oo-rah!

this message stood out as an obvious comment on what's going on today in our country. a false and misleading comment, however. i can just see a bunch of frustrated overgrown bully-types reveling in the message of this movie: thought and law and restraint and caution are bad for justice and freedom: only the strong survive! otss! otss! "this is just like Iraq," they'd proclaim: "Bush is just like Leonidas!" "despite the girly-man wishes of the Congress and the American people and the overwhelming truth, Bush was strong and took us to Iraq to defend against the hordes! "

the thought of this type of discourse maddens me for so many reasons. . . first off, in the movie, Sparta was being invaded! secondly, the rash actions of the King may have killed off a few thousand Persians, but it is ultimately the deliberations of the Spartan Council and the help from Athens that historically caused the Greek win over the Persians. thirdly, it was Xerxes who was attempting world military domination, not the Spartans. so, in the current military quagmire, who is the U.S. more like, the Spartans or the Persian armies? the answer is obvious.

so, before all you red-blooded, gun-totin', meat-eatin', thought-bashin' idiots feel all justified and hopped-up by this homo-erotic fantasy of a movie, think about what it's really saying, and think whether any of our society's values, (yes, even the christian ones), are being followed or exalted. . . just think about it a bit.

from the "no duh" files

to disprove all of you who don't think that fox news has a right-wing "slant" (more like a full-tilt):

"Democratic pollster Mark Mellman, via Taegan Goddard's Political Wire: 'An audience that decides for itself, based on 'fair and balanced' coverage, ought not to reach monolithic conclusions. Yet, in our 2004 polling with Media Vote, using Nielsen diaries, we found that Fox News viewers supported George Bush over John Kerry by 88 percent to 7 percent. No demographic segment, other than Republicans, was as united in supporting Bush. Conservatives, white evangelical Christians, gun owners, and supporters of the Iraq war all gave Bush fewer votes than did regular Fox News viewers.'"

(from salon.com)

someone asked the question: here's my answer

love is living for another
love is
joy
desire
trust
honor
warmth
silence
noise
struggle
resolution
sacrifice. sacrifice without thought. willing sacrifice knowing that what you're about to do will hurt, knowing that you won't ever be the same after, knowing that the other person can't ever even begin to comprehend how much you sacrificed. but you don't even care. you don't even want him to know your sacrifice. you hope he never finds out how much you would do to save him or help him in the least, and still want nothing in return. you want nothing in return but you get it anyway.

love is comfort in another
love is
eating
cooking
sleeping
cleaning
paying the bills
driving to the vet
bringing him an advil at 2:30 in the morning from downstairs
cleaning out a wound without flinching
covering a bill in a tight spot
lugging 8 2-liter bottles of regular coke up three flights of stairs
(but you don't drink regular coke, only he does)
watering his 3000 plants when he's away
(twice a day)
doing anything at the mere hint of desire
(but sometimes giving him well-deserved attitude and then doing it anyway)
knowledge. knowledge of what he wants, his basic modus operandi, his past and his future, his love of cuisine and music and reading and history and politics and bbc mini-series and satire and art and everything that makes life rise above the toil. knowledge that he knows the same about you, and will work to make sure you get everything you want.

love is a pain in the ass
love is
work
daily drudgery
endless car-rides
annoying relatives
boring relatives
waits in the dentist office lounge
a bad night of gas
a bad morning for bad breath
that pimple on the back that just won't go away
routine. routine of acceptance, of habit, of knowing there will always be the bad things, but that a shared bad thing is always better than experiencing the bad thing alone. that you secretly enjoy the imperfections, love them in and of themselves as a reminder that you yourself are human and mortal, and that you can't love perfection, because it isn't human or mortal, or real. love is love of something real.

love is desire
love is
rapture
passion
burning
longing
salivating like a dog at dinner time
abandon
(even reckless abandon)
losing yourself in his limbs
begging for mercy
begging for pain
wanting the climax now
wanting the climax to never come
thrashing in the mess
carnal knowledge. an intimate carnal knowledge that you could never want to begin to feel with another. the feeling that only he will do, and that no other can approach. fantasizing about another just feels empty and cold. being with another feels like death.

only four more months

mud and salt on shoes
snow melts at windy daybreak
when come the blossoms?

impersonal personal post no. 2

today's sapped string of words, brought to you by thesaurus.com:

beat, bleary, bone-weary, bushed, crippled, crispy, dead, dead tired, debilitated, disabled, dog-tired, done for, done in, drained, effete, enervated, frazzled, had it, limp, outta gas, played out, prostrated, run-down, sapped, shot, spent, tired out, wasted, weak, weakened, wearied, worn, worn out

life often requires a lot of energy. . .

random (stream of consciousness) lists

mala educacion, third man, harold & maude, halloween, requiem for a dream, notes on a scandal, amores perros, talented mr ripley, mysterious skin, welcome to the dollhouse, king of the hill, clerks, ordinary people, ice storm, brokeback mountain, the wedding banquet, hero, the graduate, who's afraid of virginia woolf, rear window, m. . .

peer gynt suite, grieg piano concerto a minor, pictures at an exhibition, beethoven piano concerto no. 3 c minor, night on bald mountain, bartok string quartets, ravel string quartet in F, martin mass for double choir, bach b minor mass, purcell lamentations of jeremiah, shostakovich symphony no. 4, khachaturian tone poems, barber adagio for strings, respighi pines of rome, hayden die sieben letzten worte. . .

melissa hoover, rebekah fowler, rob huether, dean barr, ben rasmussen, liv loge, brent dummit, joel krier, karen miller, carlos smith, carlos cruz, dan ness, deepa nayini, scott king, jacobe caditz. . .

rock 'n' roll in arizona

best marathon of three! time = 3:41:46 (8:28 pace).

frozen marathon!

i'm about to do a marathon in "frozen" weather this sunday. while this may not seem out of the ordinary for january in chicago, this cold run will take place in phoenix, az! that's right, i'm arriving there tomorrow (saturday) just in time to enjoy a rather uncharacteristic bout of chicago-like weather. race day - sunday - will have a low of around 30 degrees and a high of around 50! not terrible for a marathon, but i was looking forward to the first long run without my winter running hat in about 3 months!

oh well, i guess at least i'll be used to the cold. . .

old thought

i know that everyone and his slow brother has probably already seen that genious flick, Mysterious Skin, but i just thought of it again today, and couldn't stop. as an adolescent and teen struggling with many issues, i used to take comfort (if you could call it that) in Gregg Araki's films such as The Living End and The Doom Generation. however, i'm quite certain that Mysterious Skin not only blows those movies away in nearly every aspect, but it manages to do the same to every other movie of 2005, period. when nary a mention was made of the genius that was that movie in neither the oscars or the independent film awards of that year, i think baby jesus must have cried.

if you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and rent it. just make sure you aren't alone and near a full bottle of downers or a noose at the time.

a new year

so i'm not quite as savvy as many other bloggers, but it was evident to me that i needed a new slate this year, and what better look than to use a pic from little sayulita, the mexican village where we spent new year's 2006-2007. it calms me just to think of the view and the salty-sweet air.