(almost) at a loss for words

after scouring (read quickly searching) the internet for a substantive review of the "movie" 300, which we saw this past saturday, my desires were left wanting somewhat. so, here i am writing down my thoughts as some sort of catharsis. why would i bother to write a review of 300 of all movies? because i'm bothered, that's why. it's been the top box office draw for three straight weekends, including breaking the record for any first weekend box office draw ever. so, i think it's a movie that's probably worth some attention.

i'll admit that i was confused when i first heard the premise of the movie: a historically-based account of a battle between the Persian armies of King Xerxes and a gathering of 300 or so Spartan soldiers in about 480 b.c.

as a somewhat modern guy with a somewhat basic understanding of western culture, i was concerned. who's point of view will this movie adopt? surely not the Persian view, but surely not the Spartan view, either.

after all, weren't we all taught that the Spartans were the enemy in the classic battle of freedom versus what can only be described as military fascism? wasn't it the Athenian culture that was the defender of the standard for what we value as all that's good and right in the world: free thought, discourse, love of mankind, humanism, art, industry, science, mathematics, philosophy, et cetera?

wasn't Sparta the horrible place where the weak were killed in the name of a "perfect race," and where all other human function was suppressed in the name of war? isn't that where we get the word spartan in today's usage?

and, between these two cultures, Athens and Sparta, wasn't it Athens who was the ultimate victor, showing a strength of will and industry that Sparta could never dream of? isn't it the culture and productivity of Athens that the Romans and eventually the enlightenment and eventually the entire western world's culture were based upon?

well, be that as it may, the entire movie was told from the spartan perspective! weird. and this weirdness was obvious from the first scene of the movie, where we see the future King of the Spartans, Leonidas, being held over a pit of tiny sculls, being inspected to see if he has any defects. obviously, if this baby has any visible defect, it's to be tossed into the baby pit -- no room for the weak and deformed in Sparta!

and we're supposed to identify with this society, somehow find it compelling and worthy? root for it against the Persians?? already, this movie is making me a bit angry. and it just gets worse. it's not just the obvious racism, sexism, homophobia, and excessive gore that turned me off, but the seemingly underlying and terrifying message: that, despite what the Spartan law says, King Leonidas is the hero because he takes the law into his own hands and goes off to war to be strong. to be a man! oo-rah!

this message stood out as an obvious comment on what's going on today in our country. a false and misleading comment, however. i can just see a bunch of frustrated overgrown bully-types reveling in the message of this movie: thought and law and restraint and caution are bad for justice and freedom: only the strong survive! otss! otss! "this is just like Iraq," they'd proclaim: "Bush is just like Leonidas!" "despite the girly-man wishes of the Congress and the American people and the overwhelming truth, Bush was strong and took us to Iraq to defend against the hordes! "

the thought of this type of discourse maddens me for so many reasons. . . first off, in the movie, Sparta was being invaded! secondly, the rash actions of the King may have killed off a few thousand Persians, but it is ultimately the deliberations of the Spartan Council and the help from Athens that historically caused the Greek win over the Persians. thirdly, it was Xerxes who was attempting world military domination, not the Spartans. so, in the current military quagmire, who is the U.S. more like, the Spartans or the Persian armies? the answer is obvious.

so, before all you red-blooded, gun-totin', meat-eatin', thought-bashin' idiots feel all justified and hopped-up by this homo-erotic fantasy of a movie, think about what it's really saying, and think whether any of our society's values, (yes, even the christian ones), are being followed or exalted. . . just think about it a bit.